Although I do agree that pop culture has caused a lot of people to diagnose both other people and themselves as having all sorts of things or falsely use terms in passing. My biggest issue is with her family. July 18, 2011, 2:43 pm. And continues to do so. Support your boyfriend. Letting him tell you about it will help him get it off his chest so that he can just move on from it. I’d be miffed about this two. i’m sorry but u come off as ignorant to mental illnesses… seems like you’d be facing these SAME issues w her even if she wasn’t “bipolar “ that’s what’s wrong w society today, you hear someone has a mental illness and right away everything they do is because of it, and everything they do is “crazy.” it’s a disorder. They don’t live in the mom’s house, they don’t live off of the mom’s cash (with the exception of bf’s car) – the bf needs to give the damn car back and get something else and try limiting info about he and LW ‘s lives. Boyfriend refuses to do that because his parents are elderly and poor and he doesn’t want the fight with his mom over it. When it starts affecting her directly, then I think she has some more grounds to complain. People with bipolar disorder may worry about their symptoms affecting relationships. That’s what he needs most. professional diagnosis). He does, however, tend to give away all his money and worldly possessions to absolute strangers because they “look like nice people.” He’s not in control of his assets anymore, for obvious reasons. “Dear LW, How dare you attempt to diagnose your boyfriends mother, shame on you. I hate to do it, it just seems…mean, but I don’t trust her, and my boyfriend’s admitted that she isn’t very…responsible about money. I think it’s fair for her to have some words with her son about it, but also, I think she is doing the right thing by keeping her problems to her son and ALWAYS BEING POLITE, RESPECTFUL, AND NICE to LW. You’re assuming the MIL is completely right in her actions & behaviors…I was pointing out that your basis of that assumption, wasn’t 100%. I gave him a car and he was paying me, but then I told him not to worry about it. Setting Boundaries with a Person with Depression, How to Deal with the Uncertainty of Bipolar Episodes, have difficulty with relationships outside of the family, have excessive responsibility starting at a young age, have health problems related to emotional distress, have a hard time sleeping, although they may report feeling “well rested” after only 30 minutes of sleep, go on shopping sprees with reckless regard as to how they’ll pay for items purchased. July 18, 2011, 1:45 pm. Just curious… Who came up with the bi-polar diagnosis? I agree that I wouldn’t pay for it unless you have it in writing the transaction, and it is notorized whatever to make sure that she doesn’t change her mind on the price later and then never transfer the title. My boyfriend of 6 years has and adult daughter who’s 24. He’s the one who keeps repeating the terrible things she says about you. I guess I do tend to hae an overactie imagination, and grew up with some pretty crazy family dynamics though!! This article explains how much potassium you need per…. Because if she isn’t diagnosed, and you’ve just been saying she is “cause like, guys, I watch House, and she’s totally like that…” then you are WAY out of line for diagnosing her yourself and are creating a an ignorance towards her that will forever taint your relationship.) sometimes I end up in the emergency room to get a shot of narcotic pain medication because they haven’t found any preventative Rx that works yet). But guess how she got there? LOL would love to do that, but we’re not THAT well off. From the way LW worded that, it sounds like bf’s Mom has been diagnosed and prescribed meds, but has refused to take them. If you plan of marrying this man one day, his mother is going to be a permanent part of your life. Although your parent’s symptoms may change, get better, or get worse over time, it’s possible they were dealing with the disorder before you were even born. I know I’m going to get a ton of unhappy thumbs from this, but I think it is such crap that it’s suggested “to give her some respect” – Why? The odd thing is, I know what it’s like to live with someone who is bipolar…my mom is (and yes, she is clinically diagnosed). Can he collect the money and then show his wife “look they’ve paid this much” when she starts getting screamy? That was definitely some great & helpful perspective! My recommendation is that your boyfriend choose to have a more distant relationship with his mother. Your boyfriend needs to come to grips with the fact that there are things best left unsaid to his mother and best left unrelayed to you. After a 1.5 year LDR, they moved in together. I don’t understand how a woman can refuse to “take” something so large as a vehicle. Thanks for visiting! No. She also thinks I'm bulimic because I'm … He has other mental health issues as well. Children of a parent with bipolar disorder may also benefit from one-on-one psychotherapy. July 18, 2011, 11:23 am. Why feed that drama? I’ve totally been lying about the job. To chase you away. Yeah I agree with you. It typically involves episodes of extreme shifts in mood. You never know. All rights reserved. Then stop paying her, don’t take loans from her, don’t deal financially with her. It took three months of not seeing me, of not even being able to speak to me (I screened her calls and deleted her emails) to get through to her that her behavior was going to cost her people. The BF shrugs it off as “she had a stroke, she can’t help it”, but older relatives say she was always that way and now she just uses the stroke years ago and the hormone imbalance that caused it as an excuse to get away with her behavior. It’s very difficult to do anything with her most of the time. Depending on the illness’ severity, it may affect the level of care that your parent can provide. I think that you and your bf lack some basic compatibility, based on your posts. This would explain why she was upset about her son paying all the rent for his apartment, and not paying her back for the car. I can only guess this might also be part of the LW’s boyfriend’s motivation. I'm 16 and so is my boyfriend. He tells her intimate details AND he got himself financially involved with her. StephanieSays Who will he choose??? …That is an AWESOME idea. Ya, I’m really questioning that the mother has a disorder at all. I can tell from this letter that your diagnosis is all wrong.”. 3. I agree that they should find a better way of dealing with the situation, and my guess is this is the first time the BF moved out of his house. And it’s bothering my boyfriend to have to acknowledge that his mom does have problems and isn’t trustworthy. I don’t know, it seems like the LW is going to be in the same position she’s in, because it seems like they’re already doing most of the stuff. Park the car in her driveway, leave the keys on her kitchen counter, and get the heck out of there (yes you will need another car to pull this off but I assume you got the boyfriend’s car back from the repair shop). You can also work with your parent or doctor to develop a plan for when your parent has an episode. Immature, yes, petty, yes, but you don’t know if she contributes to other things. Wouldn’t she be entitled to more bitching if the rudeness of the mother was not due to a mental illness? If the mother in this letter is indeed bipolar, her mood swings will only continue to get worse, so along with Wendy’s excellent steps to minimize bones of contention and increase discretion, the LW and boyfriend’s family and friends would do well to educate themselves and get some support. LW, all you can do is what you can do. You guys borrowed the car but didn’t think about how it would get back. I think it boils down to respect and control of a flow of information. There are still some great battles between his mother and I. If you do feel like you’re stressed or having a hard time managing your feelings, talk to a medical professional or another person you trust. i bet she wants help to deal with herself just as much as you do, hunny. I just wish I knew how to handle it all better, if there was something I could do or say to make her approve of the relationship, or to assure her that I’m not ‘using’ him and that we really are in love, to let her know how much I want to be with him. If she went crazy yelling at LW about it, that would be a different story. I’m wondering if he only told her about the “harlot” comment because he came home upset after the fight, and either she asked him what happened or he wanted to unload. It’s awful. Hello, So my mother was diagnosed with bipolar back in the day, but it was never explained to me outside of being rlly happy and rlly sad. You can encourage him to seek counseling, support groups, etc., but the journey is largely his own. Temperance I commend you for getting the hell out of your house as soon as you could, and for recognizing both that and this are toxic situations. Yes, he needs to create boundaries. But because his mom had bipolar. That was my place in the family – I felt. Removing yourself from the drama will make you an impartial support system for your boyfriend, which is something he’ll be more and more grateful for when he discovers his and his mother’s unhealthy patterns. (My aunt has done it) So I get why your bf has been hesitant to stand up to her (now knowing about his brother), after all, that is his mother. SpaceySteph we were supposed to get married in October this year it was a whirlwind,one minute we were lovers then she decided she wanted to get engaged and then the next week she wanted to get … Of course LW would only hear about what MIL said. Having said that I agree that the LW needs to grow up and she and her bf need to set boundaries. Pitting yourself against a disorder will not serve you well. It doesn’t sound like she has any cogent arguments influential enough to persuade the boyfriend, so just understand that she doesn’t really like you and deal with it. The LW is also being very immature about this, she too, needs to get her shit straight. Certainly he doesn’t have to go into all the nasty details but they should be dealing with this together. I strongly suggest giving the car back or paying it off like, yesterday. Just curious, you all know what bipolar disorder actually is, right? Considering he’s elderly and handicapped, my boyfriend and myself are hesitant to keep putting him in the middle of it all. She is the most wonderful person around me and that’s all that really matters. I think this is a very insightful post. The mother/son bond is a big one to a mom (I have four boys, I know this one all too well). His father then started insulting me, and calling me a whore etc. (Not the way she handled it, mind you, but the motivations behind it.) A trained therapist runs FFT sessions. I’d like to thank Anita_Bath, Savannah and SkyBlossom for giving level headed advice and being polite about it. July 18, 2011, 11:44 am. July 18, 2011, 4:06 pm. Yes. Gosh-darnit, there I go assuming again! Fairhaired Child And this can be the simplest thing that ruins the day and changes her outlook, like chipping a nail or spilling something on her shirt. These people are still too immature to be dealing with these things. Every year, bipolar disorder affects about 5.7 million U.S. adults, which is about 2.6 percent of the population. And that’s the way it should be–the mom’s hurt feelings are between her and her son, not LW. It’s because she used the word “harlot” – isn’t it? The MIL is going as far as her son is allowing her too. The typical age of onset is 25 years old. I also am dealing with a bitchy BF mom. If they get in an argument, and he hangs up because she has said something out of line, then she calls back until he picks up and then continues to yell at him and yells at him more for hanging up on her. And he needs to stop repeating what his mom says. I cant remember a time ive seen her manic before, or at least never as … Mental illness can be hard to pinpoint--particularly in some people with bipolar disorder. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume that the LW did not simply decide to label her boyfriend’s mother as bipolar, which seems to be a popular opinion on this thread. Online forums and support groups are available, as well as in-person group sessions with other people going through the same thing. Being called a “harlot” would be a nice change of pace. I guess I really should tell him to stop relaying the bad stuff to me. You guys borrowed the car and his mother promised to come to you to get it but then changed her mind. If he doesn’t have someone to talk to about it (the mother bashing you), it could make things fester… and cause a rift between you and him, because he has to keep some very stressful experiences ABOUT YOU to himself. How does it feel to have bipolar disorder? I doubt the LW is calling her bipolar (and talking about medication) without some sort of rational basis (ie. What goes on in my mom’s head when she’s not herself? She has medical bills to pay, so I’m assuming she has some source of income to make the payments. Other than that, we don’t have enough information to speculate either way. Maybe. It is his choice to pay rent while you get your debts clear. As disruptive as this woman is, you have to know that she is suffering just as much as those around her. It’s not surprising that studies point to children of parents with bipolar disorder being more susceptible to psychosocial problems such as risky sexual behavior, substance … I can’t see how that could possibly strengthen their relationship. In response to Flake’s comment. July 21, 2011, 5:06 pm. All rights reserved. The fact that she disowned one son because he disobeyed her is telling. July 18, 2011, 12:16 pm. Occasionally, he has received some help from us. My uncle is bipolar. SweetChild We manage it by creating a united front. My boyfriend of 4 years (did the LDR, we’re in our early twenties, living together for a year) has a mother with bipolar who also refuses to medicate. If he’s paying the rent, help out with the other stuff. Stay out of it & expressly tell him you don’t want to hear any ill things she’s spoken about you. The LW never said she didn’t have a job, and I actually thought that she did have a job. His father doesn’t know where we live, so he can’t randomly show up at 6:30 in the morning on a weekend anymore. I hope that you find your ideal cocktail. I’ve seen this happen in families before. Excellent points. From one chronic pain sufferer to another – let me give you some advice right now: make sure you lock up your pain medications. It gave me my life back. Here are some resources you can use: HeretoHelp is a group of mental health and addiction nonprofit agencies that work together to help patients and families handle mental health issues. Such can also lead to misdiagnosis. We comment on other people’s opinions based on our own. He must stop sharing personal details of your relationship with his mother NOW or he will erode the trust between the two of you. I hate when people ask all sorts of questions about my health problems, y’know? I honestly don’t quite get why he goes so far out of his way to remain in her good graces. Ahh I hope that Iced-Venti guy reads your third paragraph… Just as I presumed! I feel the girl is decent enough, but I wish they had gotten to know each other a bit better before moving in together. She had dad take her back to the doc, and she’s been doing pretty good ever since. Bonus, you don’t have to see her. The first step you’ll need to take in dealing with a bipolar boyfriend is understanding how his disorder has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship. So, I’m not actually seeing “bipolar” in this letter. I know it works great for migraines, but if you get them as bad as migraines, then maybe it would work to prevent them as well…? LW: Regardless of WHY the mother is partaking in hour long yelling sprees, the biggest issue is why your boyfriend is taking it up the ear for an hour and then relaying the conversation word-for-word to you. July 19, 2011, 12:00 pm. Comfort him and acknowledge that sometimes dealing with these fits is difficult but that you just need to take it with a pinch of salt. I think this is amazing advice that addresses all the problems. That may be off-putting and such, but I don’t think it’s crazy enough to require medication (since we have no other symptoms of bipolar to go by), and from the letter alone, it doesn’t sound indicative of mental illness. 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